How to Get on With The Boss

A helpful little eBook from Wendy Smith

You can buy this book at the links below

I have a new eBook available on Amazon. It is brief but wise. You really will learn how to make a great first and lasting impression at work.  Here is how to help your boss help you. Don’t be made unhappy, suffer stress and lose confidence because you cannot get on with the person in charge. Poor relationships at work can damage life at home as well as your career. There may be long-term effects on health and on your motivation. This little eBook by an experienced manager and coach can really help.

What it covers;
• What it means to get on with the boss
• Why it matters
• How to know whether you get on with your boss
• Getting it right
• What your boss really wants
• How requirements can change over time
• Making a good first impression
• Keeping respect once you are established in the role
• What to do when things go wrong
• Bosses with problems
• Demon bosses
• Putting things right
• Moving on when it is time to go
• Bullying

Buy in the UK
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Buy in the US
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Talking about difficult issues!

Talking to people about difficult issues is best done after careful thought and preparation. At home, you might want to talk to a partner about a change in your relationship. At work, it might be about negotiating a pay rise or dealing with a difficult colleague. Wherever you need to talk about a difficult issue, knowing how to prepare gives you a better chance of success.

Timing is critical

Raising a difficult issue is never easy but there are better and worse times to do it. If you know the person is dealing already with difficult things, it might be better to postpone if you can. At least, try to choose the best time in the day for them. We all have times when we are at our best. Don’t choose the morning for a night owl. Try never to talk about difficult things before your listener has had breakfast, or at least a coffee. In fact, don’t choose any time when they are likely to be hungry.

Speaking at a time when they are preparing for an important event, about to rush off to a meeting or watching their favorite television program, is not going to get you their best attention. Try to find an island of calm in their day, then speak to them in a quiet and private space.

Know what you want to say

Be absolutely clear in your own mind about the message. Know what you are asking for and why. Why is it important and why now? How does this fit in with everything else going on around them? Who is going to be affected most by what you say and in what way? How would you like your listener to respond? What would you like them to do next?

Get your information together beforehand.

Research the subject you want to discuss. Make sure you have all the facts or at least as many as possible. Be sure you know exactly what will be involved for them in meeting your request or receiving your news. Make sure you are clear about why it is worth them making a change. Have the evidence to support what you are going to say. How are they going to feel when they hear your news? If it is going to cause them pain, how can you keep that pain to a minimum?

Prepare to make your case

If it is appropriate, be ready to show why the change will benefit the other person as well as you. Can you highlight how changes like this have been beneficial in the past? How will you show the evidence and anything that will support what you are going to say? Choose the words you will use carefully and practice saying them. Imagine a positive outcome as you practice.

Be ready for the discussion

Think about the possible responses and how you will handle them. Be ready to be flexible; what changes are you prepared to make to your request? Think of solutions that will suit both of you. Be clear about what you want and why it makes sense. Know what is not negotiable.

Be ready to listen at least as much as you speak during your encounter. Listen carefully, watch their body language and prepare for your flexible response.

Each situation is different

Each situation is different and, however much you prepare, you may need time to consider their response. Be prepared to take time out. Whatever their response, don’t get angry or upset. Try to stay in control of the situation. The person needs to know this is important but don’t over react. Work on keeping options open and the relationship intact.

With careful preparation and consideration for the other person, you will achieve the best possible outcome from your discussion of that difficult issue.

Wendy Smith is a life coach and writer at Wisewolf Coaching. She is a qualified coach and a member of the Association for Coaching as well as being a member of the Institute of Consulting and a graduate of the Common Purpose leadership programme. Wendy holds an advanced diploma in life coaching and a graduate certificate in confidence coaching. You can contact Wendy at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

 

What do I do with the rest of my life? Some thoughts on career planning after “retirement.”

Whether you chose to go or were pushed out, for example, as part of an organizational change, the time after retirement can feel like a yawning open space. Yes, you know these days retirement is supposed to feel like the start of something, and not an ending. But, for many of us, knowing we are expected to make a fresh start is quite daunting.

For some people it seems simple. They have spent years wanting to have more time for a well-loved hobby. Perhaps they have ideas about turning that hobby into a money-making activity. For others, the most important thing about the time ahead is an opportunity to be with family and grandchildren in particular.

Lots of us, don’t know exactly what to do next. Many need to continue to earn just to pay the household bills. Even, if we don’t need the money, we need a challenge and, perhaps, a new mountain to climb.

So, where to start? Well, ideally, you begin thinking about life after retirement, long before you actually retire. But, if you haven’t had that opportunity, you can still do the work to think through what is going to happen next, shortly after you retire.

Ask yourself these questions;

• What has given me the most satisfaction in my life so far?
• At work and at home, what did I really enjoy doing and why?
• What was I really good at?
• What did I dislike and would want to avoid in the future?
• What was I not so good at?
• In what kind of environment would I want to spend precious time?
• What have I always dreamed of doing but never had the chance?

The results of this exercise are for your eyes only, so you can afford to be entirely honest.

Now, think about the constraints and how the choices you make may affect the rest of your life and those closest to you.

How free are you to retrain for something new? Do you have resources to pay for that training? Lots of people do retrain for new careers in later life but taking on a programme of training that is going to last several years in unlikely to make sense after 60.

You may want to consider working part-time. That would give you more time for family and other interests. It may also make long-term working more sustainable as it gives you recovery time.

Don’t be afraid to have big dreams and ambitions. Lots of us over 60 have achieved things we never imagined possible ten years earlier. And some of us feel more fulfilled in our work life now than we did earlier, even though we may not be earning quite so much.

Life after retirement is all about quality. Think about what that means for you in your particular circumstances. Now go out there and enjoy yourself.

Wendy Smith (formerly Wendy Mason) is  a life coach and writer committed to helping people be happy and fulfilled at home and at work. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Change Management Isn’t Just a Work Thing

Lots of us talk about wanting to make a change in our personal lives. We can feel frustrated with things as they are for all kinds of reasons. Some things we know we can’t change – we just have to find a way to accept and live with them. But other things we can change and it helps to know where to start.

Changing the Things You Can!

Having decided what can be changed, the next step is to sort out the issues associated with the change. This is to make sure your change is as successful as possible.

Ask yourself four questions:

• Am I clear about exactly what I want to change?
• How can I increase the likelihood that this change will take place?
• How can I limit the risks?
• What steps do I need to take to complete my change?

Thinking about these questions very practically, focussing on solutions, will help you feel less anxious about the change you want to make. It is important to be very realistic about your answers and your plans. Think through what is possible in your situation.

Start to think as clearly as you can about what life will look like after your change. Be very honest about what is to be gained but also what will be lost. This thinking should be done before you take the first step towards making your change a reality.

Make sure you understand the likely risks along the way and how you will manage them.

Now, break your change down into very small steps and plan for some rewards for yourself as you take the steps.

Throughout your change keep in mind how good life will be after the change and the benefits you will gain. You are ready now to make that change you have

thought about for years. Good Luck.

Wendy Smith (formerly Wendy Mason) is  a life coach and writer committed to helping people be happy and fulfilled at home and at work. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Values and Why They Are Important Part 1 Introduction

Values and Why They Are Important

This is first post in a short series on values,;what are they, why are they important and how to understand your own values.

Understanding your own values is key to leading a happy and fulfilled life. Knowing your values is important in deciding the work you want to do and, for example, in choosing a life partner. Understanding them can help you deal with many challenges you will meet through life and how to make the best choice in difficult situations.

What Are Values?

Values are the important and lasting things you believe about life and the measures by which you will usually judge yourself and others. When you live your life in accordance with your values you will feel comfortable and at peace with yourself. That is if your values are positive and truly your own, not those you think you should have. When you don’t live according to your own values, you will usually feel miserably, guilty or angry. You will not feel fulfilled.

Values are usually fairly stable throughout life. We learn them young from our parents, teachers, our friends and, often, these days, from the media. But not all the values we learn when young are helpful. Times change! Think, for example, about the value that some people learned when young about the “separate” roles of men and women. Or the values that some people have adopted related to particular brands.

When you begin to understand your own values you can begin to make choices about which to hold on to and which to let go.

Wendy Smith (formerly Wendy Mason) is  a life coach and writer committed to helping people be happy and fulfilled at home and at work. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

 

Related articles

• Values, Authenticity and Your Career
• When you have to reapply for own job
• Dealing with anger – advice from the Dalai Lama

Values and Why They Are Important

This is first post in a short series on values, what are they, why are they important and how to understand your own values. Understanding your own values is key to leading happy and fulfilled life. Knowing them can guide you in deciding the work you want to do and even how you choose a life partner. Understanding them can help you deal with many of the challenges you will meet through life and how to make the best choice in many situations.

What Are Values?

Values are the important and lasting things you believe about life and the measures by which you will usually judge yourself and other things. When you live your life in accord with your values you will feel comfortable and at peace with yourself. When you don’t you may feel miserably, guilty or angry with what is preventing you from feeling fulfilled. Values are usually fairly stable throughout life. We learn them young from our parents and teachers and sometimes from out friend. But not all the values we learn young are helpful to us. Times change and for example the value that some people learned very young and associated with the roles of men and women may no longer be appropriate in the 21st century. When you understand your values you can begin to make choices about this you hold on to. Next, we’ll begin to look at how to determine what your real values are.

Mid-Career Dilemmas

Many clients come to me for help handling decisions they need to make in mid-career. Usually, they are people who have done pretty well so far and they have at least one promotion under their belts. The junior technician or junior manager has become the trusted professional or senior manager. Now, it is time to think about their next move and they find themselves at a crossroads.

For some it gets even more complicated because there may be family choices to be made. For example, whether to start a family. Or, perhaps, whether to move the family to a new town or even a new country.

There may be lots of factors to take into account. But it is good to start by considering the experience you have had so far and what it has taught you about what really matters. Then, you can go on to consider things like the competencies you have. It is good to know what you have enjoyed and not enjoyed in the work you have done so far. What has made you feel stimulated and motivated? What has made you want to spend the next day under the duvet?

Thinking about those things, and the challenge of spending the rest of their lives doing the same kind of thing, leads some people to think about a complete change.

Usually, my work with those facing a mid-career dilemma starts with thinking about values and what really matters to them. For each one of us, values will be a little different and it takes honesty and trust to get to the real list.

Facing a mid-career dilemma can be challenging and the future can look very uncertain. You may not be clear for a while what the next step is going to be. It helps to have supporters with you along the way. So, I’m thinking of starting a monthly group coaching session for people facing mid-career dilemmas. If that includes you, feel free to get in touch. If one-to-one coaching is more your thing, I would still be very happy to help.

This post first appeared on LinkedIn

Wendy Smith (formerly Wendy Mason) is  a life coach and writer committed to helping people be happy and fulfilled at home and at work. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

When you face an angry person at work!

We all encounter anger sometimes and encountering angry people at work is particularly difficult. But, you can learn how to calm people down and defuse their anger. Knowing how to defuse anger helps you do your job better and look more competent. It helps you be a better manager.

It can be tempting to let your own emotions take over and become angry yourself. Confronting anger with anger doesn’t work. It just hypes things up which usually makes the other person more angry. Try to stay calm. That way you are more likely to be able to think clearly about the situation. Take some deep breaths to help reduce the tension you feel. If necessary, ask to take a short break and go for a walk. If you feel threatened by violence it is best to leave the situation, if you can, and seek help. If you don’t feel threatened, look objectively at why the person is angry. Probably, it has nothing to do with you and you didn’t cause the problem. Being able to distance yourself emotionally will help you think clearly about a solution.

You need to find out why they are angry. Encourage them to explain the cause of their anger. Listen carefully and don’t interrupt but use open questions to keep them going until you understand. Try to see things from their perspective. Sometimes people deal with distress and bad news by getting angry. If you understand that, you can distance yourself from the angry feelings and know that the anger is not about you. This should make it easier to help.

Respond calmly in a low tone and in a non-threatening way. This will encourage them to become calm. Don’t use generalizations and platitudes like, “I understand how you feel.” Be specific and empathetic – rephrase what they have told you but not thoughtlessly. Try to show, rather than say, that you understand. Show you are focussed on finding solutions and putting things right. If you have caused their distress, then apologize and show how you are going to remedy the situation. Don’t make excuses. Don’t be defensive – that tends to stimulate more anger. Focus on finding solutions and taking the first steps towards putting them into action.

Moderate anger can sometimes be dealt with by distracting people. Occasionally, this can be done with laughter but have a care. Humour at the wrong time can make things worse. It can be hard to get someone to change the subject if their anger is intense. Trying to do so may make them feel you are not taking them seriously which makes things worse.

Anger in a team at work can be incredibly disruptive. If you are a manager faced with a team member who gets angry easily, flag it up as an issue. Then offer to work with them to help them control their anger. You could try role play and practice dealing with angry customers, for example. You could also consider training for them in emotional intelligence, assertiveness and good communication skills. Encourage them to learn a simple relaxation technique to use when they feel stressed.

If you have to deal frequently with an angry person, afterwards, when they are calm, let them know how their anger makes you feel. Give your message assertively and calmly as you can. Don’t make accusations – just describe your feelings in simple terms.

We all face anger sometimes. The key is to learn how to deal with it calmly and with confidence. Find the cause and apologize if it is you at fault. Try, with them, to find a way to put things right. Treat an angry person with respect and focus on finding solutions.

This post appeared first on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/when-you-face-angry-person-work-wendy-smith

Wendy Smith (formerly Wendy Mason) is  a life coach and writer committed to helping people be happy and fulfilled at home and at work. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Are you a manager behaving badly?

Are your anxieties reducing the performance of those you work with?

I’ve been coaching and blogging about career development for a few years now. And there seem to be a number of recurring themes when people talk to me about happiness at work. The most common is “trouble” with boss.

Problems can arise for all kinds of reasons.

Sometimes the person talking to me has had a history of difficulties with other managers in the past. There may be something they can change in their approach to improve things.

Sometimes the person having the problems is in a job that isn’t the right fit and they need to consider a change.

Unfortunately, and far more frequently, the difficulties spring from the way in which a particular manager has been behaving.

Managers come in all kinds of flavours. Some find communicating with their teams easy. For others, it may be something at which they need to work. These days there is little excuse for not knowing that communication is key to good performance but you would be surprised how many managers choose not to hear the message.

Sadly, a small number of managers are out and out bullies and they cause much misery and distress. Far more common is a much more subtle effect. There are managers dealing with their personal challenges by acting unprofessionally in the workplace.

Some managers deal with trouble in their private life by bringing anger or depression into the office. Many seem quite clever at making sure it is only their juniors who suffer, while colleagues and those above see a happy, cooperative employee.

Managers may be insecure in their work role (fear of redundancy, for example). They may deal with their anxieties by undermining those who work for them. Heaven help the bright junior who might be a natural successor! But the whole team might suffer from their “control freakery” and anger – nothing is quite good enough.

Over time, a “boss” working out their own problems at work can cause havoc with their team’s performance. Everyone feels unhappy and stressed; valuable team members look for opportunities to move elsewhere and sick absence may rise.

As a manager, looking objectively at your own performance and admitting you are causing problems for the team can be hard.

It is wise for all manager to step back sometimes and reflect on their own performance. Think about how you behaved over the last week, the last month and the last year.

For example, when you think about your leadership or management style consider;

• Have there been incidents you subsequently regretted?
• Are there people on the team you fear may be better than you at the job?
• Have you stopped seeing good people as an asset and do you now see them as a threat?
• How happy are the people that work in your team?
• How have you contributed to that happiness?

Think about how you would judge a colleague behaving as you have behaved. Would it be good for them, their team and the organization, in the long term? If the answer is no, then act now. Commit to making a change and, if you need help, there are lots of coaches like me around on LinkedIn.

All it takes is the courage to look honestly and objectively at what you have been doing and not make excuses for yourself. Takes action. You owe it to yourself and your team to make that change.

This post appeared first on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/you-manager-behaving-badly-wendy-mason

Wendy Mason is life coach and writer committed to helping people be happy and fulfilled at home and at work. You can contact her at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com

WiseWolf Talking enters 2015

I wish a very Happy New Year to all our readers and I’m very pleased to reassure you that next week, from 12th January 2015, normal service will be resumed.

We’ve taken a long holiday break which has included, not only marking Yule and the turn of the year, but also my marriage which took place on New Year’s eve . (No excuse then for forgotten wedding anniversaries.)

Now, it is time to return to work. And from 12th January, I hope you will find at least one useful and informative post here each week.

Going forward the aim of the blog will be to support your development in the widest and most balanced sense.

If you have suggestions for what we should include please get in touch.

Wendy Mason is life coach and writer committed to helping people be happy and fulfilled at home and at work. You can contact her at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com