When your manager won’t talk to you!

Sadly, there seem to be a good number of managers who have problems talking to their staff.  I don’t mean the exchange of every day courtesies like Good Morning and Good Night. Although, there seem to be some who have problems uttering those simple phrases on a regular basis. What I want to talk about here is the manager who doesn’t tell you what she really thinks about your work.

If the manager says nothing, it can be very frustrating. It increases pressure and can lead to stress. You think you are doing OK, but you have no real way of knowing whether your manager agrees.

The “boss” may be pleasant. She comes in everyday and wishes you good morning. She might even ask how you are doing. But there is no real engagement. She doesn’t encourage you to give anything but the most perfunctory of answers. And she certainly doesn’t comment on the quality of your performance. Meanwhile, you are desperate to know what she really thinks and you’ve begun to suspect the worst.

This situation can feel totally demoralising. So, what can you do?

Well, you have to grasp the nettle and ask for the feedback that isn’t being volunteered.

Here is how to go about it.

First, gather your own evidence about your performance, for example, samples of your work, feedback from customers and statistics about results. Then, think about the questions you want to ask and how you are going to ask them; you don’t want to alienate your boss, if you can avoid it.

Now, ask for some time to talk. Choose your moment carefully – avoid times when your boss is likely to be under pressure or, for example, about to go to an important meeting. Make sure you get the appointment into the boss’s diary and that there is enough time for a proper discussion. Ideally, you need at least 30 minutes but not before, or immediately after, an event on which your boss needs to concentrate.

At the meeting, make sure you emphasize that it is your boss’s interests, as well as your own, that you care about. You want to make sure that you are doing the job the boss needs you to do. Avoid getting into arguments or being confrontational. Use the evidence you have collected; particularly, if you face any criticism you consider unjustified.

You are likely to pleasantly surprised; your boss is probably very happy with what you’re doing.  But, if she isn’t, you need to be told that so that you can begin to put things right.  Whatever the real situation, there is nothing to be gained by not knowing. Grasp that nettle and help your boss to help you succeed.

Wendy Smith is a personal coach and writer at Wisewolf Coaching. She is a qualified coach and a member of the Association for Coaching as well as being a member of the Institute of Consulting and a graduate of the Common Purpose leadership programme.  Wendy is author of “The WiseWolf Job Search Pocket Book: How to Win Jobs and Influence Recruiters” as well as two novels and a number of articles on management and well-being. Her latest publication is a little eBook; “How to Get on With the Boss.”  You can contact Wendy at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Time to practice your close reading skills?

I’ve joined a short on-line course from Sheffield University and Future Learn on the literature of the English country house. I’m sure the subject has been chosen with Downton House fans in mind. Simply, I thought it would keep me entertained on lovely, long, summer evenings.

The course started with a refresher on close reading and the lecturer chose a passage from Twelfth Night for us to work on. It’s a play I love and full of ambiguity. The action centres on the twins Viola and Sebastian, who are separated in a shipwreck. Viola (who is disguised as a boy) falls in love with Duke Orsino, who in turn is in love with the Countess Olivia. Upon meeting Viola, Countess Olivia falls in love with her thinking she is a man.

So, we practiced our close reading skills. First, we read the piece quickly for a general impression. Then, we read it a second time to confirm our first thoughts. This was followed by zooming in for key words and phrases that gave clues to the layers of meaning. It was an entertaining process, given Shakespeare’s propensity for hidden jokes and references.

I was left wondering about our obsession with speed reading. We prize how quickly we can scan the mass of text we encounter daily, be it in emails, discussion papers or reports. If we couldn’t scan quickly, we wouldn’t be able to cope at work or at home. But, we pay a price. I wonder, for example, how many corporate disasters might have been avoided, if we had the time to close read critical passages in progress reports on major programmes or to pick up the hints “between the lines” in management reports.

Have our senses and our judgment become numb from the volume of material put before us?

We need to be aware of the risk. There is a huge responsibility on authors and curators to flag up what they think are critical passages. But, at the end of the day, it is down to us and may be it is time to practice, practice, practice those close reading skills.

Wendy Smith is a personal coach and writer at Wisewolf Coaching. She is a qualified coach and a member of the Association for Coaching as well as being a member of the Institute of Consulting and a graduate of the Common Purpose leadership programme.  Wendy is author of “The WiseWolf Job Search Pocket Book: How to Win Jobs and Influence Recruiters” as well as two novels and a number of articles on management and well-being. Her latest publication is a little eBook; “How to Get on With the Boss.”  You can contact Wendy at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Talking about difficult issues!

Talking to people about difficult issues is best done after careful thought and preparation. At home, you might want to talk to a partner about a change in your relationship. At work, it might be about negotiating a pay rise or dealing with a difficult colleague. Wherever you need to talk about a difficult issue, knowing how to prepare gives you a better chance of success.

Timing is critical

Raising a difficult issue is never easy but there are better and worse times to do it. If you know the person is dealing already with difficult things, it might be better to postpone if you can. At least, try to choose the best time in the day for them. We all have times when we are at our best. Don’t choose the morning for a night owl. Try never to talk about difficult things before your listener has had breakfast, or at least a coffee. In fact, don’t choose any time when they are likely to be hungry.

Speaking at a time when they are preparing for an important event, about to rush off to a meeting or watching their favorite television program, is not going to get you their best attention. Try to find an island of calm in their day, then speak to them in a quiet and private space.

Know what you want to say

Be absolutely clear in your own mind about the message. Know what you are asking for and why. Why is it important and why now? How does this fit in with everything else going on around them? Who is going to be affected most by what you say and in what way? How would you like your listener to respond? What would you like them to do next?

Get your information together beforehand.

Research the subject you want to discuss. Make sure you have all the facts or at least as many as possible. Be sure you know exactly what will be involved for them in meeting your request or receiving your news. Make sure you are clear about why it is worth them making a change. Have the evidence to support what you are going to say. How are they going to feel when they hear your news? If it is going to cause them pain, how can you keep that pain to a minimum?

Prepare to make your case

If it is appropriate, be ready to show why the change will benefit the other person as well as you. Can you highlight how changes like this have been beneficial in the past? How will you show the evidence and anything that will support what you are going to say? Choose the words you will use carefully and practice saying them. Imagine a positive outcome as you practice.

Be ready for the discussion

Think about the possible responses and how you will handle them. Be ready to be flexible; what changes are you prepared to make to your request? Think of solutions that will suit both of you. Be clear about what you want and why it makes sense. Know what is not negotiable.

Be ready to listen at least as much as you speak during your encounter. Listen carefully, watch their body language and prepare for your flexible response.

Each situation is different

Each situation is different and, however much you prepare, you may need time to consider their response. Be prepared to take time out. Whatever their response, don’t get angry or upset. Try to stay in control of the situation. The person needs to know this is important but don’t over react. Work on keeping options open and the relationship intact.

With careful preparation and consideration for the other person, you will achieve the best possible outcome from your discussion of that difficult issue.

Wendy Smith is a life coach and writer at Wisewolf Coaching. She is a qualified coach and a member of the Association for Coaching as well as being a member of the Institute of Consulting and a graduate of the Common Purpose leadership programme. Wendy holds an advanced diploma in life coaching and a graduate certificate in confidence coaching. You can contact Wendy at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

 

Managing Difficult Conversations:9 Questions to Ask Yourself

I found this interesting set of slides on Slideshare from communications consultant, executive coach and lecturer, Barbara Greene. She helps senior executives communicate powerfully and thrive in business environments. You can find out more about her at www.logosconsulting.net

Do you avoid difficult conversations? There is no need to avoid them if you focus on the constructive possibilities. Start by asking yourself these 9 critical questions.

Wendy Mason is a career coach.  She helps people reach their goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life.  Before working as a coach, Wendy had a long career in both the public and private sectors in general management and consultancy as well as spells in HR.  She now divides her time between coaching and writing. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more at http://wisewolfcoaching.com

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10 Leadership Tips For First Time Managers

I found these great tips on the Bridge Training website – you can find a link below

1. Accept that you will have lots to learn. You will have worked hard for your promotion and will have ample expertise in your chosen field but you may find that you lack self-confidence in your ability to lead. Be prepared to learn from others including your new team.

2. Communicate early. Always keep your team fully informed of project goals, priorities and those all important deadlines. Effective communication will be essential in both establishing your credibility and gaining the support of your team so make sure that you provide clear direction and always welcome questions and feedback from others.

3. Set a good example. Demand from yourself the same level of professionalism, and dedication that you would expect from others. If you expect the team to be up beat and friendly, then make sure you are! If you expect written reports to be error free then double check your own!

You can find the rest at this link

Wendy Mason is a career coach.  She helps people reach their goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life.  Before working as a coach, Wendy had a long career in both the public and private sectors in general management and consultancy as well as spells in HR.  She now divides her time between coaching and writing. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more at http://wisewolfcoaching.com

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Winning Friends In A Crisis – How To Manage Communications When Things Go Wrong!

Winning Friends In A Crisis – How To Manage Communications When Things Go Wrong!

Bad things happen in all organizations. Sometime the problem lies within the organization, sometimes it is the environment outside that causes a crisis. To respond well as a manager, you need a strategy that will do the following

• Deal with the problem causing the crisis;
• Assist any victims and those directly affected;
• Communicate with, and enlist, the support of employees.
• Inform those indirectly affected; and
• Manage the media and and all external stakeholders in the organization.

When it comes to communication, there seven dimensions to consider if you want to communicate in a way that limits damage to the reputation of the organization. There may be limitations on what you can say for legal reasons, but the nearer you get to covering the seven dimensions, the more effective your communications will be.

Here are the seven dimensions;

1.  Candor. A public acknowledgement that a problem exists and a commitment to put it right, usually wins trust and respect for the organization.
2. Explanation. Explain promptly and clearly what went wrong, based on the knowledge available at the time. If there is not yet full information, make a commitment to report regularly and tell people when they can expect more information. Continue making reports until full information is available or public interest dissipates.
3. Declaration. Make a clear public commitment to take steps to address and resolve any issues raised by the incident.
4. Contrition. Make it clear that you, and those in charge of the organization, are sorry for what has happened, show empathy and regret. If there is reason to be embarrassed, then show embarrassment about what has happened and for allowing it to happen.
5. Consultation: Ask for help from pubic authorities and anyone else who can provide it if that will help those hurt or prevent this from happening again. Do this even if it means accepting help from opponents or competitors.
6. Commitment: Be prepared to make a promise that, to the best of the organization’s ability, similar situations will never occur again.
7. Restitution: Find a way to quickly pay the price, compensate and make restitution.

Show in your communications that you are prepared to go beyond what people would expect, or what is legally required, to put things right. Adverse situations remedied quickly, usually cost far less and are controversial for much shorter periods of time.

This is the gold standard, but the closer you get to it, the more respect there will be for you, and your organization, and the sooner the public are likely to forgive, if not forget.

Wendy Mason is a career coach.  She helps people reach their goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life.  Before working as a coach, Wendy had a long career in both the public and private sectors in general management and consultancy as well as spells in HR.  She now divides her time between coaching and writing. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more at http://wisewolfcoaching.com

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Being a good leader; communication and active listening

Every piece of advice you read about how to be a good leader talks about the need for good communication – an able leader is an able communicator! Yes, quite right. But communication is a two-way process. For any leader the ability to listen is right up there with the ability to deliver the message. And listening is more the just hearing a sound and knowing what the words usually mean.

In coaching we spend a lot of time thinking about active listening – for us it is a core skill. Active listening is hearing with engagement. In active listening you work to not just to hear the words, but to understand exactly what the other person is trying to say.

For coaches active listening is important not only because we need to understand but also because when we listen fully, the client feels appreciated and respected – it helps them to have trust.

Surely as a leader you want, just as much as coach, to be trusted and in due course to inspire your organization.

Active listening is a skill and it requires practice but here are some tips to help you on your way.

1. Position Be somewhere where you can see and be seen by your hearer for important messages. Talking one to one or in small groups, sit up straight or lean forward slightly to show your attentiveness through body language.
2. Maintain comfortable eye contact. Again one to one and in small group you need to judge the night degree of eye contact. Give good warm “face”,  and don’t stare them down or threaten with your glare. Remember, acceptable eye contact changes with culture. In some cultures it is very rude indeed to look straight into someone’s eyes.
3. Minimize external distractions. Reduce external noise. Turn off the TV in the corner of the room. Ask people to stop what else they are doing and switch off your mobile phone. If someone comes to talk to you in your office, it is better to ask them to wait outside than to go on writing whilst they are in the room.  Writing on looks arrogant and it sends a clear message about what you think of their status relative to yours.
4. Respond appropriately When someone is talking to you show that you understand. You can murmur (“uh-huh” and “um-hmm”) and nod. Raise your eyebrows. Say words such as “Really” and “Interesting,” as well as more direct prompts: “What did you do then?” and “What did she say?”. All these things show that you are interested and encourage the other person to keep talking.
5. Focus solely on what the speaker is saying. If you concentrate properly on what someone is saying to you, your response will usually come naturally. If there is a silence – it usually means something. Silences often follow important statements, they give us breathing and thinking time. Don’t spend thinking time on what to say, spend it on reflection about what has been said, then you will find the conversation usually flows.
6. Be aware of what is happening inside you. You may find your own thoughts intruding as you try to listen. This can happen particularly if what is being said touches your own emotions. But let your thoughts go for not and keep refocusing back on the speaker, Time afterwards to reflect on what this meant for you.
7. Suspend judgement Wait until the speaker has finished before forming your opinion, even if they are complaining. In fact, it is even more important,if you think you are likely to disagree with what they are saying . Take the time to take in all that they have said before you give an opinion.
8. Don’t jump to tell them what you did last time. People don’t want to be thought of as just another number, case or employee. Treat each person you speak to as an individual meriting individual consideration. There will be a time to use past examples but judge their use with care – packaged solutions do not blend well with feelings.
9. Be engaged Ask questions for clarification, once again, wait until the speaker has finished. Don’t interrupt their train of thought. After you ask questions, paraphrase their point to make sure you didn’t misunderstand. You could start with: So you’re saying…” This shows that you are really listening.
10. Practice your active listening skills, particularly handling silence. Learn to use it to better understand what is being said to you. As your listening skills develop, so will your speaking skills and your ability to hold a conversation. You will be surprised how active listening draws people to you. People warm to those who take the trouble to really listen to them.

 

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career while maintaining a good work/life balance. You can email her at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com

Registered with Life Coach Directory

Other  articles by Wendy

• Monday Quotes for Leaders and Managers – Management and Motivation

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• Leadership and Emotional Intelligence

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• Emotional Intelligence and your relationships

Leading the Confident Team

First would you describe yourself as a confident team leader?

As the leader, you no doubt have confidence in your technical abilities but do you have confidence in yourself? Are you a team leader with self-confidence?

When you are a confident team leader, you are someone who is comfortable in your own skin and in the team leader role!

You know who you are and you know what you stand for, not just in this role but in your life in general.

In successful teams, it is vital that team spirit develops and that members adopt an ‘all for one’ attitude.  But to be successful as a team, each member also needs to have confidence in themselves in their role within the team.

A team is only ever as strong as its weakest link and if a member lacks confidence in themselves, they will also lack confidence in their role within the team.

A strong team is made up of individual members who believe in themselves and their abilities but they also believe that they are stronger because they are playing as a team, and not as individuals.

Unfortunately, when you lack self-confidence, your thoughts and actions are greatly influenced by people around you and by those you believe to be more confident and competent than you. This means that you are easily led by those who are more confident than you.

Even when you believe the team could do better adopting a different approach, your lack of confidence may lead you to doubt your own judgment.

To be successful, it’s essential that each team member develops confidence in themselves and in their role.  But this is most important for the team leader!

If you are not confident in yourself , as leader, then the team is likely to sense your doubts and their confidence in their own roles within the team will be eroded.

Each team member needs to believe in themselves and in their abilities so that all can contribute fully.

Self-confidence can be described as a positive mix of self-efficacy (respect for your own competence) and self-esteem (valuing yourself).

The good news is that confidence is largely learned and with support it can be acquired by anyone.

So if you have to lead a team, act now if you have reservations about your own or a team member’s confidence!

Wendy Mason works as a Coach, Consultant and Blogger. She works with all kinds of people going through many different kinds of personal and career change, particularly those wanting to increase their confidence

If you would like to work on developing your own confidence, Wendy offers the Wisewolf Learn to Be Confident Program at this link

You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com  or ring ++44 (0)2084610114

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Confidence and the Passionate Leader

If you wish to be a successful leader, you need confidence!

Passion, communication, and empowerment all contribute to successful leadership but without confidence there is no sound basis from which to lead.

The ability to make good decisions quickly is fundamental to leadership.  But if you are diffident and afraid to make, and commit to, decisions, skills in communication and empowerment will not make up the difference.

I’m afraid leaders cannot get away with “well, maybe but I’m not really sure”!

Those lacking in confidence often agonize over decisions and end up making the safe choice.  Confident leaders take the information that they have and then take action.

Not only does confidence allow you to make the tough decisions that people expect from a good leader but confidence is reassuring to those following. It allows you to lead with authority and to accept constructive criticism and open communication.

Think about it, as a leader, how well you deliver speeches and presentations?  If you deliver with confidence, you inspire your hearers be they your team or potential clients. But the same material delivered with doubt has the opposite effect

How confident are you delivering a presentation that sets the direction for the organization in the future? Will people rally behind you in these difficult times or will they be frightened by your lack of certainty? This is the difference between a confident leader and one who going through the motions!

All kinds of factors contribute to a lack of confidence; some of them may go back to your childhood.  Luckily confidence is something that you can work on with a business or career coach and the results are usually very successful.

Any discussion on leadership without first addressing the confidence of the leader really will not be soundly based. Passion is important but no one will follow you with passion unless you first inspire them with your confidence

Wendy Mason works as a Coach, Consultant and Blogger. She works with all kinds of people going through many different kinds of personal and career change, particularly those wanting to increase their confidence.You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com  or ring ++44 (0)2084610114

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Leader, know your friend or foe!

Image by JimmytheJ via Flickr

As a leader things you do have an impact!

As a leader, the things you do and the choices you make have an impact on those about you.

The more people you affect, the more likely it is that your actions will impact on people who have power and influence over your ability to deliver your vision.

These people could be strong supporters of your work – or they could obstruct it.

Identify key people

You need to make sure that you can find the key people who support you already and those who still need to be won over. Then you can;

• Use the opinions of your most powerful supporters to shape your plans at an early stage. Not only does this make it more likely that they will support you, but, their input can improve the quality of your approach.
• Use strong support to help you to win more resources – this makes success more likely
• By communicating make sure your supporters fully understand what you are doing and the benefits it will bring.  They can then act as your ambassadors.
• Anticipate what people’s reaction to you may be, and build into your plan the actions that will win people’s support.

The first step is to brainstorm who supports you and who does not.

Think through all the people who are affected by your work.  Who has influence or power over it?  Who has an interest in its successful or unsuccessful conclusion?

And now the analysis

You may now have a long list of people and organizations that are affected by your work.

Some may have the power either to block or advance. Some may be interested in what you are doing, others may not care.

You need to map your list on to grid like the one below.

Someone’s position on the grid shows you the actions you have to take to ensure your success:

• High influence, interested people: these are the people you must make time and effort to engage with and try to satisfy.
• High influence, less interested people: for these people you need to try to keep them satisfied.  But don’t over-communicate or they may begin to see you as a nuisance
• Low influence, interested people: keep these people adequately informed, and talk to them to ensure there are no major issues.  They could be useful on the details and in spreading the message
• Low influence, less interested people: again, monitor but do not bore them with excessive communication.

Now it is time for you to get to work!

Wendy Mason works as a Coach, Consultant and Blogger. 

She works with all kinds of people going through many different kinds of personal and career change, particularly those;

• looking for work
• looking for promotion or newly promoted
• moving between Public and Private Sectors
• facing redundancy
• moving into retirement
• wanting to do a mid-life review

You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfconsulting.com  or ring ++44 (0)2084610114

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