Danger – Red Light flashing. Toxic Manager About!

How well do you get on with your manager? Easy question really, isn’t it? You would be surprised how many people are not clear about the answer. They don’t know what the manager/team leader/supervisor really thinks about them, or the work they do. Sometimes, this is because they, themselves, lack the communication skills necessary to understand the message the manager is sending. Sometimes, it is because the manager doesn’t communicate well with the rest of the team.

Getting on well with the boss matters hugely in terms of your career success. Plus, the stress caused when things go wrong can have a negative effect on your health and well-being. Stress can lead to anxiety and depression which in turn affect life at home as well as at work.

You can find out how you’re doing by listening and watching how the person in charge behaves. You need to observe not only how they behave with you, but also how they behave with other people. It is easier, of course, if you have frequent contact with your manager. But, even if you do not, you can try to learn as much as possible about them and how they behave from others. Ask your questions with care, though, you don’t want it to get back that you think you may have a problem.

Here is a mini-health-check based on one in my little eBook; “How to Get on With Boss.”  It will help you get clearer about the relationship climate in your workplace.

Signs that all is well;

• You belong to a happy team who work well together
• You feel accepted by all
• Each day your manager greets you and the others by name
• Everyone feels at ease with him/her
• You get regular and constructive feedback from your manager
• You are not worried about asking for help when you need it
• If something does go wrong you feel you can tell your manager about it and get a reasonable response.

If most of these things are happening for you, all is well and you are getting on well with our manager. Celebrate because, unfortunately, I suspect you are one of the happy few.

Signs that all is not well;

• The team is generally unhappy
• Everyone moans about your manager
• The manager doesn’t seem to know who you are
• The manager doesn’t seem to want to know anything about you
• They don’t offer support
• Feedback, if you get it, is definitely not positive
• People are afraid to ask for help
• Everyone is frightened of telling the boss when something goes wrong
• People feel threatened
• There is lots of gossip but no one really knows what is going on “up the line” or elsewhere in the organization

Signs like this mean that all is not well. Neither you, nor the other members of the team, are getting on with the person in charge. You need to take action to ensure your toxic manager doesn’t damage you, your career, your health or your happiness. You can find out more about my little eBook at this link.

Wendy Smith is a personal coach and writer at Wisewolf Coaching. She is a qualified coach and a member of the Association for Coaching as well as being a member of the Institute of Consulting and a graduate of the Common Purpose leadership programme. Wendy holds an advanced diploma in life coaching and a graduate certificate in confidence coaching. She is the author of “The WiseWolf Job Search Pocket Book: How to Win Jobs and Influence Recruiters” and her new eBook; “How to Get on With the Boss,” as well as two novels and a number of articles on management and well-being.  You can contact Wendy at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

How to Get on With The Boss

A helpful little eBook from Wendy Smith

You can buy this book at the links below

I have a new eBook available on Amazon. It is brief but wise. You really will learn how to make a great first and lasting impression at work.  Here is how to help your boss help you. Don’t be made unhappy, suffer stress and lose confidence because you cannot get on with the person in charge. Poor relationships at work can damage life at home as well as your career. There may be long-term effects on health and on your motivation. This little eBook by an experienced manager and coach can really help.

What it covers;
• What it means to get on with the boss
• Why it matters
• How to know whether you get on with your boss
• Getting it right
• What your boss really wants
• How requirements can change over time
• Making a good first impression
• Keeping respect once you are established in the role
• What to do when things go wrong
• Bosses with problems
• Demon bosses
• Putting things right
• Moving on when it is time to go
• Bullying

Buy in the UK
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Buy in the US
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What do I do with the rest of my life? Some thoughts on career planning after “retirement.”

Whether you chose to go or were pushed out, for example, as part of an organizational change, the time after retirement can feel like a yawning open space. Yes, you know these days retirement is supposed to feel like the start of something, and not an ending. But, for many of us, knowing we are expected to make a fresh start is quite daunting.

For some people it seems simple. They have spent years wanting to have more time for a well-loved hobby. Perhaps they have ideas about turning that hobby into a money-making activity. For others, the most important thing about the time ahead is an opportunity to be with family and grandchildren in particular.

Lots of us, don’t know exactly what to do next. Many need to continue to earn just to pay the household bills. Even, if we don’t need the money, we need a challenge and, perhaps, a new mountain to climb.

So, where to start? Well, ideally, you begin thinking about life after retirement, long before you actually retire. But, if you haven’t had that opportunity, you can still do the work to think through what is going to happen next, shortly after you retire.

Ask yourself these questions;

• What has given me the most satisfaction in my life so far?
• At work and at home, what did I really enjoy doing and why?
• What was I really good at?
• What did I dislike and would want to avoid in the future?
• What was I not so good at?
• In what kind of environment would I want to spend precious time?
• What have I always dreamed of doing but never had the chance?

The results of this exercise are for your eyes only, so you can afford to be entirely honest.

Now, think about the constraints and how the choices you make may affect the rest of your life and those closest to you.

How free are you to retrain for something new? Do you have resources to pay for that training? Lots of people do retrain for new careers in later life but taking on a programme of training that is going to last several years in unlikely to make sense after 60.

You may want to consider working part-time. That would give you more time for family and other interests. It may also make long-term working more sustainable as it gives you recovery time.

Don’t be afraid to have big dreams and ambitions. Lots of us over 60 have achieved things we never imagined possible ten years earlier. And some of us feel more fulfilled in our work life now than we did earlier, even though we may not be earning quite so much.

Life after retirement is all about quality. Think about what that means for you in your particular circumstances. Now go out there and enjoy yourself.

Wendy Smith (formerly Wendy Mason) is  a life coach and writer committed to helping people be happy and fulfilled at home and at work. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

WiseWolf’s Tip on Monday: Don’t be Diffident About Asking For a Reference

Let us take as read that employers expect to be asked to give a reference.

Don’t feel diffident about asking others who can vouch for your work or your character. People usually feel flattered to be asked.

Don’t give their names until they have agreed. Then let them know each time you mention them. Tell them a little about the vacancy and why you think you are a good fit. Make it easy for them to help you.

Don’t feel offended if they say no.  Perhaps they just feel they don’t know you well enough.

Beware the Interview Bully!

Wendy Mason Career Coach, Life Coach and Writer

As a career coach, I hear all kinds of stories about the whims, fancies and bad behaviour of employers/managers. Often, the lack of imagination or self-interest exhibited appalls me. Why having taken the trouble to seek out a good employee, would you not want to manage them in a way that allows them to give their best?

Unfortunately, employers/managers can be as troubled as the rest of us by lack of confidence or self-esteem and the need to prove our power at the expense of others.

Often, people find themselves working for a poor boss in a job they otherwise love that pays well. And advising them is one of the greatest challenges I face as a coach. Leaving a good, well-paid, job to face unemployment isn’t the first choice for anyone.

I do think, though, you should think carefully about taking a job for an employer when it has been clear at the interview that there are may be problems.

Some potential bosses behave so badly during the interview that I don’t understand why more candidates don’t walk out there and then.

I hear a lot of stories about interviewers performing dubiously. The interviewer who doesn’t listen to your answers, may be the least of the challenges. Questions can verge on the edge of illegal discrimination, sometimes crossing the line. I have had heard reports of questioning so insistent and aggressive, it amounted to bullying.

In my view, in those circumstances, not only don’t you take the job, it is reasonable to quit the interview at that point.

I understand that people may be desperate to find work. But a potential employer, who behaves badly at an interview, is unlikely to turn into a good boss once you start the job. Think carefully before you decide the package is so attractive, you will take a chance you may live to regret bitterly.

You might want to see also my post on the jealous boss at this link

I wish all those starting out on or a continuing a job search this week every success.

If you are thinking about coaching, and we coaches really can add value to your job search, I would love to talk to you.

Warm regards

Wendy
wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com
http://wisewolfcoaching.com
UK: +44 (0) 2081239146
US: +1 262 317 9016
Mobile: +44 (0) 7867681439 IM: wendymason14 (Skype)

Think about why a company would be asking for your salary history

Below is a link to a very useful post for the job seeker from  Jennnifer L. Beightley, MNM, CFRE which appeared yesterday on LinkedIn

What Should You Say When They Ask For Your Salary History?

… I want you to think about why a company would be asking for your salary history. They do this for two reasons, that I can tell. First, they want to use your salary history as a way to weed you out if you are asking far above what they are willing to pay, thinking that you overvalue yourself, or they want to weed you out if you are asking far below what they are willing to pay, thinking that you undervalue yourself and therefore are probably not up to snuff. Second, if you are close enough, and they like you, and you get to the offer stage, they will base the offer they will make to you on your previous salary.

So what is the problem with this?…”

Find Jennifer’s answer at this link;   http://www.linkedin.com/pulse/article/20141006135152-41404808-should-you-reveal-your-salary-history

WiseWolf’s Tip on Monday; Keep Your CV Fresh

Wendy Mason Career Coach, Life Coach and Writer

Treat your CV/Resume as a living document. Don’t let its usefulness whither with neglect.

Even when you are in work, review your CV regularly. Take pride in what it says and bring it up to-date with new achievements. Take time to read it again for possible improvements.

Do the same for you LinkedIn profile – you never know when a headhunter might spot you for that special opportunity.

The time you invest won’t be wasted – you will find there is always an improvement to be made.

 

When your boss doesn’t talk to you.

So you’ve been doing the new job for a while now. And you think you are doing OK. In fact you think you are doing better than OK.

But your boss gives you no indication of what she thinks about your performance. She comes in everyday, wishes you good morning and then disappears into her office. She’s quite pleasant and there is no indication there is a problem, you just need to know what she really thinks about what you are doing.

This situation can feel totally demoralising and you begin to have all kinds of doubts. What can you do?

Well, you have to grasp the nettle and ask for the feedback that isn’t being volunteered.

First, gather your own evidence about your performance, for example, feedback from customers. Then, think about the questions you want to ask and how you are going to ask them; you don’t want to alienate your boss.

Now ask your boss for some time to talk. Choose your moment carefully – don’t ask when the boss is under pressure or about to go to an important meeting. Make sure you get the appointment in the boss’s diary and that you get enough time for a proper discussion. Ideally, you need at least 30 minutes – again not before or immediately after an event on which your boss is going to want to concentrate.

At the meeting make sure you emphasize that it is your boss’s interests as well as your own that you wish to ensure. You want to make sure that you are doing the job the boss wants you to do. Avoid getting into arguments or being confrontational. Use the evidence you have collected if you face any criticism you consider unjustified.

I expect you will be pleasantly surprised and that your boss is happy with what you’re doing. You just need to remind them that you need to be told that. I am sure all is well but you won’t know that for sure until you ask. Good luck.

I wish all those starting out on, or a continuing, a job search this week every success.

If you are thinking about coaching, and we coaches really can add value to your job search, I would love to talk to you.

Warm regards

Wendy
wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com
http://wisewolfcoaching.com
UK: +44 (0) 2081239146
US: +1 262 317 9016
Mobile: +44 (0) 7867681439 IM: wendymason14 (Skype)

When you have to reapply for own job

Wendy Mason is a Career Coach and Life Coach helping you to solve difficult problems at work

I am always very interested in what brought people to my blog. Most days I check the terms people used in search engines, Google etc, to find the site: what were they looking for? Yesterday someone came by looking for advice on reapplying for their own job. My, that took me back. Yes, back to the time when I was asked to do the same thing. It was a painful experience.

I know from working with my own clients and from what I read, that is now a common experience. But I don’t think that reduces the personal pain.

There you are doing what you think is a good job and then someone announces a re-structuring, perhaps there is a merger or your company is acquired by another. Sometimes your organization needs to downsize. For whatever reason, you find yourself at risk and you have to compete for what you believed was yours.

Yes, I know it can be the fairest way to handle a change and give all current employees an opportunity to apply. But it still hurts and shakes your confidence.

So how best to respond?

First share your anger, frustration or disbelief with a partner, a close friend that you trust or a coach like me, rather than with your colleagues or your employer. Although organizations are required to be fair, employers are more likely to favour employees with a positive attitude.

Set your mind on making the best application you can for the job, emphasizing the value your bring to the organization. Don’t assume your employer knows this already and they may bring in HR consultants from outside the organization to run the selection process.

Now is the time for you to show evidence of your worth in your application letter, CV and at interview. You will find lots of advice in earlier posts on this blog about how to do that. Show how you will fit the role and take particular care to tailor what you say to suit any new requirements.

Don’t presume you’ll get the job; there may be a limited number of opportunities. But do remind yourself regularly just how good you are. Be practical and realistic about the situation – now is the time to start doing those little extras like working late or volunteering for that new project. It is the time to reinforce the relationship you have with managers – not to show them your resentment.

It can be hard to deal with; anger and resentment may not be something you get over quickly. If it is badly handled, I know from experience that it can taint your whole view of the organization. That may mean that it is impossible to see staying as a positive option. If you do decide to look for new work, it is better to leave on good terms. Try to understand what led the organization to this point and that there may have been no other options open.

Above all work on not seeing the situation as being about you personally, even though the impact is very personal indeed. You may well benefit from talking things through with a counsellor or a career coach. Remember, I offer a free half hour’s coaching by phone or Skype. My contact details are below.

Wendy Mason is a Career Coach and Life Coach helping you to solve difficult problems at work
wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com 
http://wisewolfcoaching.com

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Office Parties: Tips to help you manage the risks

The coming office party season can create worries for both employers and employees. But it can be an event where you behave professionally and still have fun. It provides a great opportunity to socialize with co-workers and with manager that you wouldn’t normally mingle with and if you follow the advice below you should be able to handle the coming office party season with confidence and grace.

Tips

1.  Prepare yourself mentally and accept that this is part of what is expected and it can be a good opportunity to meet new colleagues and your senior managers in a less formal environment. It provides a chance to network with new people. But it is probably a good idea to decide not to stay until the end before you go. Have a ready-made reason for leaving before people begin to really let their hair down and you are tempted to join in.  Make sure you stick to your resolution.
2. Take care what you wear. Find out what everyone else is wearing before the party and match the tone with your outfit.  If you are a woman, find a compromise; you want to look attractive without being overtly sexy. Keep in mind the image you have worked so hard to build and don’t destroy it in a few short hours. For men,showing your more extreme eccentricities in dress is rarely a good idea.
3. Arrive on time. Turning up ‘fashionably late’ is not really an option at a work event and it may get noticed. Plus arriving on time gives you the opportunity to say hello to everyone and socialize while people are still likely to remember the good impression you make. It means as well, you can get out early without seeming rude.
4. Mingle. Be sure to acknowledge all your co-workers, your managers and other business contacts who are there. Don’t give anyone the opportunity to think you ignored them; the Christmas party is an excellent opportunity to cement relationships.
5. Don’t “dis” the boss. Talk to your co-workers and others about work issues in a positive and complimentary light, focusing on achievements for the year and fun things you remember. Whatever negative thoughts you have, keep them out of this environment. It is easy to overhear things said in a crowd but to misunderstand, so don’t get drawn into listening to other’s negativity either, you may be assumed by others to agree. Instead don’t be frightened to talk to your co-workers and management about things outside of work such as the cinema, football, holidays, hobbies and family. And practice listening; this is as important as the small talk. Though it may feel really informal, remember it is still a work event; this isn’t the time to be speaking your mind informally to management.
6. Drink responsibly. Keep in mind that everything observed has the potential to be turned into a judgement on your professionalism and work suitability. No matter how much management has insisted that everyone let down their hair, just don’t. Eat first before drinking. Drinking on an empty stomach is asking for trouble. Space all drinks with water and more food, and lots of conversation.
7. Be discreet with about romantic intentions. Bear in mind the potential for claims of sexual harassment. Do not touch people in ways that can be misinterpreted, or say things that are considered demeaning or sexually provocative. Use your common sense. On the other hand, if you find yourself being hit on, even by your boss, and provided it is not grossly offensive, let them down gently. Try to preserve everyone’s dignity and remember co-workers will gossip as soon as they see anything happen. Don’t do anything you wouldn’t like to hear recounted in the office the next day.
8. Help others. If you see a co-worker overdoing the drinking or making a move when they are clearly not fully mentally in charge of themselves, step in and bail them out. Explain to them tactfully what they are doing and how it appears to other people. If this doesn’t sink in, discreetly ring a cab and make sure they get home safely. This is a time when your executive decision-making can save their reputation.

If you follow the advice above you should be able to handle the coming office party season with confidence and grace.

I wish all those planning an office party every success and if I you need help to handle the after shock, please get in touch.

Remember I offer a trial free half hour coaching session by phone or Skype.

Warm regards

Wendy
wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com
http://wisewolfcoaching.com

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